technology will ruin us all

the stanford invite came and went without so much as a drizzle. i watched athletes justify early (relative on trips, i'm sure) bedtimes and loooong training sessions in races up to the baby grand- 10,000m. the magic was bubbling up from the red all weather surface all night and i was excited to run. i was not so sure about the idea of a race, but i wanted to be out on the track, under the lights, and was eager to soak the singlet in a 5k pr (personal record). my parents had flown down and my dad had literally dusted off the camcorder. for the first time in a long time, this had no effect on my preparations before the race and my mindset leading into the event. and that is precisely why i worried.

good athletes prepare their bodies for the rigors of competitions and great athletes prepare their minds as well. the great ones lock onto the race, become the event, and believe their participation is critical not just to run well (i suppose i should mention this is obvious) but their participation is a necessary component for the race itself to BE a race. those special athletes know great competition can't exist without great competitors. an athlete must be optimally aroused- not too amped up and not too laid back. i found myself outside the parenthetical boundaries of "optimally aroused". it was if i wasn't sure i cared how i raced.

then why race? good question...i DO care about the results. i do care about justifying all the long hours and early (at times) bedtimes. however, justification as gratifying as it is, cannot be motivation for a sport defined by experience. running is about the experience- otherwise i've been mislead for years. if i was ready to run i would be excited and a little nervous not due to my unsure fitness but due to my need to race- the intense desire to really compete! that's where great times and great performances are found. i need to look at the race romantically, with passion and anticipation knowing if the process is the most important aspect the outcome will be marvelous and the event will always be resplendent upon reflection.

and oh how romance can sting! i tucked into the pack for the first mile off the front running strong in 4:25 convinced i would not let the college kid in front of me stray from my ever shallowing breath. a 4:32 second mile brought me through two miles in 8:57, a good spot if i hadn't tried to run the second mile faster than the first. no more romance, i was fucked. the last mile was a nightmarish conclusion to the 5k: 4:48. i did manage to run 32 seconds for the final 200m, mostly to rid myself of the "courtesy claps" from the stands (those take years off one's life i'm convinced) as quickly as possible. 14:20. ugh...or more appropriately: ugh-ly.

but at least my dad has it on tape.